The Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine takes umbrage with the theory that honorary degrees are just a little bit bullshit.
University is tough, a PhD is even tougher. You have to write a 70, 000 word thesis over a minimum of 4 years that adds and expands upon an existing body of academic work, in the specific field you’re working in. Sounds tough eh? But fear not, if you’ve written a great song, been in a few amazing movies, or just done them with thorough mediocrity you can get an Honorary degree from your local university. Yay for humanity! @NickHayden_
To maintain our semblance of superiority it is imperative that our inner workings be as cryptic, indecipherable and impenetrable as practicable. Without this operational opprobrium, we would be vulnerable to pellucidity and prone to the prosaic. This would dilute the sententious ethos to which we (the Grandfathered Executive) are steadfast.
To maintain our ameritocratic Professorial ranking structure it is essential that we hand pick our nonpareil leadership and abstain from the randir of a common members vote. Aggregation by commonality of the famous or rich (preferably both) allows for a symbiotic relationship (read parasitism) from which all parties benefit. The famously stupid gain credence through letters whilst the monetarily grandiloquent gain altruistic appeal. Honours bestowed upon one final group (the dissenters) preserves the ostensible status quo sanctioning the ship of fools allegory to drift silently into the sunset.
With this final point in mind the UCEM is honoured to present it’s third Grand Fellowship to Dr Dr Nick Hayden