The original inventor of therapeutical botulism toxin and ListGran morning after cheese, Commander Harrison Biscuit III has again found novel use for a Clostridium toxin, this time promising to kill two birds and one patient with one stone.
Clostridium deficile has for many years been a serious hospitals acquired infection, causing severe diarrhoea in antibiotic treated debilitated patients. The infected patients continue to be a drain on the system, taking up beds as treatment continues. Cdr. Biscuit is now leading the paradigm shift.
“Hospitals continue to waste money trying to treat these patients and clean out the wards” Biscuit says, “why do this when you can make the money flow from the wards, just like the faeces?”
Cdr. Biscuit plans to harvest the toxins produced by C. deficile for use as a cosmetic weight-loss product – defTox.
“Whilst debilitated patients often constitute a significant cost, using them as human bioreactors can bring in a significant profit. This not only changes the revenue flow of a hospital, it also frees up a bed, and decreases cleaning costs. It may also prevent future admissions by reducing the number of overweight people in the community.
Chance plays a large role in C. deficile infection. To take the chance out of getting a return on investment from your hospital’s debilitated patient, I am researching a fermented milk beverage with nearly a billion bad bacteria in each bottle. YaClost, should soon be available in hospitals to help tip the balance and suppress the role of commensal bacteria in preventing infection.” Biscuit revealed at his press conference.
Biscuit is well known for his failure to commercialise the BotNap parental aid toxin. Whilst the botulism toxin did help parents put their children to sleep, the experimental physician coroner put the product’s failure down to “serious criminal negligence”.
Why Detox, when you can DefTox?
Meanwhile, the Royal Australian Navy has rereleased a statement asking the Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine (UCEM) to respect extradition calls for Cdr. Biscuit so he can face charges at the Haig for crimes against humanity.
About Commander Harrison Biscuit III
