Emergency Musical Interlude XXII

In the spirit of the current series of ophthalmological Q/A befuddlers we are proud (well…sort of) to present some of the global musicalisations of ophthalmic scenarios. As usual with the Emergency Musical Interlude there a disturbingly large number of Justin Timberlake parodies to choose from…

Diagnosis Cataract (Timberlake again)

Optometry Idiot (Green Day)

Red Eye (Apologize remix)

Glaucoma Suspect (Timberlake style…)

(Follow the youtube link)

Lyrics: Glaucoma Suspect…

I could see your optic nerve clearly
I saw prepapillary atrophy
Then I started judging your CD
And I noticed some assymetry
Then I didn’t know what to do
So, I judged the neural rim tissue
It looked pink and it was well perfused
But the cup was looking really huge

*Chorus
Do I need to give you Xalatan
Or maybe another Prostaglandin
Will that make your field loss stop
Or do I need to add on some Cosopt
Will you be compliant? Come on, let’s try it
Please be reliant. No, don’t be defiant
Cause you’re a suspect of glaucoma
Glaucoma
Glaucoma
I’m afraid you’re a suspect of glaucoma

Then I preformed Goldman Tonometry
Cause I need to know the IOP
I was shocked when it was 33
I guess I need to do pachymetry
Corneal thickness was at 504
That pressure worried me even more
I need a visual field acuity
So I can assess the periphery

*Chorus
Do I need to give you Xalatan
Or maybe another Prostaglandin
Will that make your field loss stop
Or do I need to add on some Cosopt
Will you be compliant? Come on, let’s try it
Please be reliant. No, don’t be defiant
Cause you’re a suspect of glaucoma
Glaucoma
Glaucoma
I’m afraid you’re a suspect of glaucoma

RAP
ur cup kinda big
here we go once again
we gonna try to treat u with the travatan
Listen baby, I do n’t wanna ruin your plan
But if you got big cups, be compliant if u can
Cause u can go real blind, if ur pressures spike high
Wanna come to me I can check ur eyes …..
You don’t really wanna let the chance go by
cause you can lose vision in both ur eyes
High I O P…. don’t ask me why
Prolly, cuz u don’t comply

Hey u – Call me the eyeb all guy, simply cuz I’ll fix ur eyes
I hate it when you cancel your appointment so you can’t go lie
I’m patient, but I ain’t gonna try
You don’t come, I ain’t gonna die
Hold up, what you mean, you can’t come at 5
I called ur house got no reply
You say you wanna see but u know that’s a lie
Baby, you can decide if u wanna go blind
Ain’t gon lie ,its an easy case
Its cuz of ur race, I swear its real
Old age, black race get this prescription filled
Just get the drops and not the pill

Lyrics: Red Eye

I’m looking at your globe, Got the redness all around
and I’m hearin what you say but im taking the history now
You tell me that its itchy
and its redness all around, today
you tell me that there’s discharge
and this is what I found, it is…
A red eye and a sty , a red eye
I said A red eye and a sty, a red eye

I’d take another look, see chemosis
and follicles
I need a culture to send to the lab, cuz its looking bad yeahhh
you need some antibiotics
and maybe steroids, and you say…
“Sorry” cant afford it do u have some free samples
no I’m afraid…

Im sorry you have to buy, im sorry
I said Im sorry you have to buy, im sorry
whoaaa

Bridge (guitar/piano)

Stay out your contact lens, don’t wear it
I said go buy the vigamox, and use it
I said use the polytrim, yeah
its for the good of your own eye, because
I’m looking at your globe, Got the redness all around