Now that we know what NOT to do and what not to say as patients in the ED. The next question is, what shouldn’t patients wear to the ED?
10. A Beard
If you’ve really ‘come a cropper’ beards are bad news – they make it hard for us to assess your airway (is there a small chin hiding under there?) and it can be tough to get a tight seal with a face mask if you’ve stopped breathing and need bagging. And once you’re in ICU it WILL be shaved off…
"I grew my beard because chicks dig it." (From www.beards.org)
9. Bath robe
Never wear a bath robe to the ED, unless you’re Hugh Hefner or you’re a bit poorly from dropping a toaster in the bath water… It’s just not a good look – go put some trousers on! If you tell us you were at a fancy dress party and went as ‘The Dude’ from The Big Lebowski, we might let it slide just this once.
8. Your favourite leathers or boots
Yes, we know they make you look just like the Stig, but we are still going to chop them off (see 3). Sorry.
– Who is the Stig?
7. Merkin
Actually don’t wear one of these anytime or anywhere… I don’t care if comes with a flashlight.
Photo by Dr LaRue
6. Tongue bar
It may look cool, but if needs to come out bear in mind that surveys of ED doctors have shown that only a minority know that the end screws off if it needs to be taken out – the rest will try to chop it in half…
Ouch! (Photo by JohnLeach)
5. Sun glasses
Don’t wear them in the ED, or you’ll be diagnosed with tinted speculopathy which has a very bad prognosis indeed – unless you have a personality disorder, in which case you’ll probably be OK.
Tinted speculopathy rears its ugly head again...
4. A chastity belt/ underwear armour
If you don’t know how to get it off we won’t either! But we will say ‘what the hell is that?!‘ and call the fire brigade and @movinmeat…
What the hell is that?! (photo by jackace)
3. Distracting lingerie
If you’re a bloke, don’t wear pink frilly knickers. Once you’re on the trauma table it all gets cut off. Each to their own, and we will maintain confidentiality, but when there is embarrassment all round it distracts from the most important thing – making sure you don’t die.
Real Men Wear Pink (from news.com.au)
2. Nothing
BIBA (Brought In By Ambulance) after crashing your motorcycle at 4 in the morning – while naked – does not engender much sympathy from your trusted health care providers. Just wearing stubbies, thongs and a helmet won’t go down too well either…
More wildlife photography from the NT News
Similarly, we strongly advocate the ethos of the World Naked Bike Ride and the symbolic way in which they draw attention to oil dependency and the negative social and environmental impacts of a car dominated culture…but body paint has not yet been statistically proven to reduce the incidence of bike related injuries…
World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR)
1. KKK garb…
‘Nuff said.
KKK in the ER
0. Mankini
Just because @sandnsurf is wearing one under his scrubs, doesn’t mean that you the patient can wear one too.
Computer-generated mankini by allstarecho
About Chris Nickson
Hahahah. Nicely done.
Can I add “tinfoil hat” to the list???