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UCEM says No to Softness

January 3, 2010 By sandnsurf 22 Comments

The Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine (UCEM) is proud to announce a new policy pertaining to the discipline of peri-departmental medicine. Until now, the softest admissions – such as the Patient Without Discernible Pathology (PWDP) – have been the toughest dispositions.

The introduction of the 4 minute rule had an immediate impact on the rapidity and accuracy of admission/discharge decisions within the realm of the Waiting Room. With this is mind, the UCEM are set to introduce the 4 picosecond rule as part of their tough new front-line strategy in weeding out soft admissions through the diodotic gates.

The College has engaged the services of Toyota and the Australian Country Border Security to devise a White Paper to help counter the growing number of inappropriate attendances breaching the barricades of the Waiting Room Wall.

Just Say No To Soft Admissions

The Utopian Border Patrol will commence their tough new campaign on inappropriate attendances in January.

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Related posts:

  1. Interview with the UCEM President
  2. UCEM Recruitment Drive
  3. Fellows of the UCEM embrace WHORe model
  4. The Art of Waiting Room Medicine part I
  5. UCEM Adopts New Polypill
Filed Under Medical Humor, Organisations, UCEM Tagged With Guideline, Nothing soft gets in, Policy, UCEM

About sandnsurf
Emergency physician with a passion for medical informatics and medical education. I write medical textbooks and host educational material at Life in the Fast Lane, HealthEngine and Popfossa.com. I write more eclectically on the web as @sandnsurf

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  1. Francesca says:
    January 3, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Congratulations UCEM on great start to New Year 2010!

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  1. Pranab Chatterjee says:
    January 3, 2010 at 7:26 am

    RT @precordialthump: 'In the Fast Lane': UCEM says No to Softness http://su.pr/1uT6JQ UCEM making the world a better place… About time …

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  2. Robbo says:
    January 3, 2010 at 7:40 am

    RT @precordialthump: 'In the Fast Lane': UCEM says No to Softness http://su.pr/1uT6JQ UCEM making the world a better place… About time …

    Reply   More from author
  3. Kane Guthrie says:
    January 3, 2010 at 8:41 am

    RT @sandnsurf: UCEM says No to Softness http://bit.ly/8EyuXq about time!

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  4. precordialthump says:
    January 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    'In the Fast Lane': UCEM says No to Softness http://su.pr/1uT6JQ UCEM making the world a better place… About time too I hear you exclaim!

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  5. Tweets that mention UCEM says No to Softness | Life in the Fast Lane -- Topsy.com says:
    January 3, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by precordialthump, Pranab Chatterjee. Pranab Chatterjee said: RT @precordialthump: 'In the Fast Lane': UCEM says No to Softness http://su.pr/1uT6JQ UCEM making the world a better place… About time … [...]

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  6. topsy_top20k_en says:
    January 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    'In the Fast Lane': UCEM says No to Softness http://su.pr/1uT6JQ UCEM making the world a better place… About time too I hear you exclaim!

    Reply
  7. uberVU - social comments says:
    January 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by sandnsurf: UCEM says No to Softness http://goo.gl/fb/kRWc...

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  8. precordialthump says:
    January 13, 2010 at 5:39 am

    @sandnsurf "Manbag? Who's the owner of this bag, sir?" http://lifeinthefastlane.com/2010/01/ucem-says-no-to-softness/

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  9. ME & ELF & UCEM | Life in the Fast Lane says:
    January 13, 2010 at 6:07 am

    [...] the science of coprology with our Herculean efforts to expand the Bristol stool chart. We have banished softness from our Emergency Departments…. Now we want to banish softness from around our [...]

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  10. precordialthump says:
    January 13, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    @sandnsurf Mate, love that border security video – bloody funny http://tinyurl.com/yahcuck "I think I might have a metrosexual over here…"

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  11. Signs of Imminent Admission | Life in the Fast Lane says:
    January 18, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    [...] trouble complying with the new 4 picosecond rule introduced by UCEM? Do not fret, you can improve your department’s efficiency a thousandfold [...]

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  12. UCEM Promotes ‘Toughen Up’ Pill | Life in the Fast Lane says:
    February 16, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    [...] on from its Campaign against Softness, the Pharmacological Hegemony of the UCEM is pleased to announce, in conjunction with TTFU [...]

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  13. UCEM Warns Against ADHD Treatment | Life in the Fast Lane says:
    February 19, 2010 at 8:03 am

    [...] these personality traits with drugs we should be trying to accentuate them. In the era of the 4 picosecond rule, pre-departmental medicine, the emergency circle of care, and ‘Downstairs Patients, [...]

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